The Feminine Urge to Compare Oneself to Other Women – and the proper way to do it.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the constant imagery of how we, as women, should live? My own GP admitted to me that she’s no longer on any social media because she can’t help but compare herself to the women that she sees. She doesn’t find it inspiring, she finds it depressing. We are being flooded with images and videos of young women living aspirational lives that can be the opposite of motivating and seem unattainable. We are seeing women eating an abundance of pasta and drinking wine in Italy while perching their designer handbags on their impossibly slim arms. It’s easy to find yourself asking, “Where do they get the money for this? Where do they get the time? How do they look like that on a diet of pasta and wine? Why doesn’t my life look like that?” I wouldn’t blame you if you sometimes struggle with resentment for this type of content. But I also believe that resentment doesn’t serve you. And I want you to know that while your life may be a polar opposite situation, you can create glimpses of glamour and sprinkles of sparkle in your everyday life too, and I’m here to share with you how.

Paris, luxury travel,
Photo by Diana Titenko on

Before I get to that though, I want to share with you a bit about my situation for relatability purposes, but I don’t want you to get too hung up on it and play a comparison game. 

I am a married mother of one 2 year old boy. Our family relocated from London to Sydney in 2020 and I’m lucky enough to have a husband who works full time, because I spent 2021 as a full time student doing all my Postgrad classes online while raising our son. We had a crowded home because my mum was kind enough to let us all (including our dog who came from London with us) live with her until we got on our feet and could rent a place here in Sydney. In March 2022 I finished my studies and have gained part time work. I do all the social media stuff in my spare time (aka once the baby has gone to bed) and it’s not hard to see that I have a pretty average mum life. It’s a wonderful, beautiful chaos that I love, but any luxe moments you see on my social media – I created those. I made those situations happen because I wanted them. And it’s not about being “fake” or anything like that, because they happened. It’s about realising that I deserve the life I want but no one is going to hand it to me. Creating it is the only way.

Just because perhaps you are a a bit older or a mother or maybe you work long hours or feel unhappy with your body, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a life of luxury and that you can’t have one. Anything can be luxury if you perceive it to be. For some it could be fancy cars and 5 star hotels but for me, as a mother, having a clean house feels like a luxury and I’m not even exaggerating. 

If you don’t believe you deserve luxury, you’ll find every excuse to deny yourself of it. I’m here to tell you that you do deserve it. And I’ll keep telling you as your newest online bestie. If you ever forget, or can’t find it within to give yourself that kindness, come here and I’ll tell you. That’s a promise.

Now let me share with you the things I do when I need an injection of bougie into my life. Please take from this list and add your own suggestions in the comments so we can all share. I love you bestie, and I hope this helps 🙂

chic outfit, elegant style
Photo by Olya Kobruseva on
  1. Wear all black. Always chic. Universally flattering. Feel like a mysterious boss bitch who is better than everyone around you. Bonus points for also wearing black sunglasses. Alternatively – wear all whites!
Photo by cottonbro on
  1. Bring your own coffee in a reusable cup. You’ll feel like you are that girl who has everything put together. 
luxury at home
Photo by Tiana on
  1. Eat croissants at home. It’s Sunday morning tradition at our house and it feels special. Every. Single. Time. Top tip: buy the ones from the freezer section that you bake in the oven at home. That way they are fresh and they taste way better than the stodgy ones in the bakery isle. 
spa at home
Photo by Taryn Elliott on
  1. Make bath time special. Light a candle, make a herbal tea or bring a glass of wine. This one can be hard for those of us who are mums or shift workers or for whatever reason feel time poor. But instead of binge watching Netflix on the couch, binge in the bath! Or even better, play some relaxing music and really make it a sanctuary.
run, stretch
  1. Exercise because you love your body and want to treat it to some endorphins! Go for a walk – for extra points, bring that reusable cup we talked about. 
feminine fashion
  1. Overdress. I’m not saying to wear a ballgown to the supermarket, but dress well. I live in Australia. Land of shorts and thongs (that’s flip flops to the rest of the world), even in church! So I used to feel really self conscious about appearing over dressed to pop to the local shop. Life is too short to dim your light for the sake of others. So now, I’ve swapped my thongs for real sandals, my denim hot pants and tank tops for a pretty summer dress and I’m appropriate for the environment I’m in but I do feel elevated and that is a confidence boost
Photo by Anna Tarazevich on
  1. Be happy for the women you see killing it in real life or on social media. Don’t be bitter – be better! Good things will come your way when you start to feel genuine happiness for others. Recreate the vibe if you want to. Maybe you can’t take time off work to spend the weekend in Venice but you can probably make an Aperol Spritz at home and still feel bougie. 

I hope some of these suggestions are possible for you to implement and make a positive difference even if it’s in the smallest way. Please remember that life isn’t black and white and it doesn’t have to be all or nothing like you are either a walking Pinterest board or you’re a plain Jane with nothing to gain. Pop your chin up, look at what you do have and gratefully have a think about how you can best utilise what you do have or have access to. I’d love to hear from you if this has helped you in anyway or you have more suggestions to share with your sisters here so please leave a comment and next time you do sprinkle that sparkle make sure you post it on instagram and tag me @nikkilaska so I can celebrate with you. 

Love ya!

Nikki x


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